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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454430">The Ballad of Peter and Juno</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_eccentric/pseuds/hopeless_eccentric'>hopeless_eccentric</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Junoverse Cowboy AU [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bandit Peter Nureyev, Battle Couple, Canon Non-Binary Character, Cowboy AU, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Domestic Bliss, Fluff, Former Sheriff Juno Steel, Juno fake faints like the choleric victorian lady he was always meant to be, Nonbinary Juno Steel, Other, Stand Alone, but make it cowboys, let's rob a train but be cute and married while doing it, no it isn't green, the Ruby 7 is a horse, this has some slight basis in coyote of the painted plains, train robbery/heist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:55:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_eccentric/pseuds/hopeless_eccentric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Former Sheriff Juno Steel was a lot of things on a day to day basis. He was a chicken feeder every other day and a cook whenever he didn’t want his husband to burn down their house. He was a mediocre tailor when someone’s shirt ripped and when Buddy Aurinko needed a few more guns on deck for an under the table sale, a bartender at the saloon up the road. Sometimes, he was a bandit. Other times, he was trying to keep the current Sheriff onboard the car from stopping his husband’s train robbery. </p><p>He usually wasn’t weak, or fearful, or getting robbed, but sometimes, that was just part of the gig.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Junoverse Cowboy AU [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823821</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Ballad of Peter and Juno</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>y'all thought i was DONE with the cowboy au?? never. also this can be read as a standalone. it's kinda post-story. they're married and everything's pretty worked out by now, just living that domestically bliss life of like. committing armed robbery</p><p>Content warnings for minor gun violence, armed robbery, implied pursuit, fake-fainting</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Former Sheriff Juno Steel was a lot of things on a day to day basis. He was a chicken feeder every other day and a cook whenever he didn’t want his husband to burn down their house. He was a mediocre tailor when someone’s shirt ripped and when Buddy Aurinko needed a few more guns on deck for an under the table sale, a bartender at the saloon up the road. Sometimes, he was a bandit. Other times, he was trying to keep the current Sheriff onboard the car from stopping his husband’s train robbery. </p><p>He usually wasn’t weak, or fearful, or getting robbed, but sometimes, that was just part of the act. </p><p>The bandit’s gun bit a few new holes in the ceiling of the train car, and Juno winced, hiding his face behind a fan as red and frilly and barfing lace as the rest of his ensemble. Apparently, he was supposed to look wealthy or something. He doubted too many wealthy ladies bore scars from losing their eyes to rogue deputies, but between the money dripping off of the dress and the intricate makeup of the eyepatch, he had a feeling he gave the impression that if anybody asked, he’d sue them to death. </p><p>“Ladies, gentlemen, and esteemed guests,” the bandit said with a coyote’s grin. “I’m afraid you’ve all found yourselves in the middle of a robbery.” </p><p>“This ain’t right,” someone from beside Juno growled. </p><p>“I’d rather be sore a few necklaces than dead,” Juno grumbled back. “Just cough up your cash and be glad you walked away alive. Just because you’re a sheriff somewhere doesn’t mean you can just start shooting in a crowded train car.” </p><p>“I’d appreciate it if you all placed your money and jewelry inside this bag here. I would really hate to fire this gun, but I’m afraid I might have to do so again if any of you are too slow to comply,” the bandit continued. Juno rolled his eyes. </p><p>“You’re pretty polite for a bandit,” he choked out when his husband drew near. </p><p>Even with his revolver still cocked and trained on anyone who might make sudden movements, Peter Nureyev paused to sweep one of Juno’s hands into his own. </p><p>“That’s quite the ring you’ve got, darling,” he beamed, as if he hadn’t been the one to pick it out in the first place. It took the greatest effort of fortitude Juno had ever known to stifle an eye roll. </p><p>“Get your filthy hands off of the lady—“ the man at Juno’s side protested, but Juno sank an elbow between his ribs. </p><p>“I can handle myself,” he snapped. </p><p>“I see you’re quite the force of nature,” Nureyev chuckled, low and soft. Juno glared at him, if only for causing something warm and soft in his chest to bloom mid-heist. </p><p>“Quit flirting,” he hissed under his breath. </p><p>“Never,” Nureyev beamed. “I see you’re quite protective of that ring. Fiancé? Husband?”</p><p>“Husband,” Juno returned coolly. </p><p>“A shame,” Nureyev sighed, though Juno knew the knowing curve of his grin like the back of his hand. “If the position ever opens up, you must write to me, madame.”</p><p>“So are you going to take that ring or not?” Juno snapped. </p><p>“I’m afraid not,” Peter smiled. “Treat it as a favor, darling. I don’t like to play favorites during heists, but I’ll make a particularly lovely exception.”</p><p>Juno felt his face grow hot. His expression must have betrayed that, for Nureyev returned the look with a teasing grin Juno would have known anywhere, even behind a mask. As if trying to make acting even harder for him, Nureyev swept Juno’s hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to the top. </p><p>“You leave this lady alone, you filthy—”</p><p>“No need for that kind of tone, my good sir,” Nureyev chuckled. “I’ll be on my way in just a moment, so long as we don’t have any problems. Have you attended to the bag yet?”</p><p>“No, and I don’t think I will.”</p><p>“Then I’m afraid we have a problem.”</p><p>The Sheriff stood before Juno could drag him back to his seat.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” he hissed. </p><p>“As the sheriff around these parts, I’m gonna have to order you to drop that bag,” the man growled, and drew before Juno, who was supposed to be keeping this exact individual in his seat and unarmed, could stop him. </p><p>“You misunderstand me, Sheriff,” Nureyev replied coolly, though Juno had known him long enough to recognize the tension that swept into his voice like a cool wind slithers under the crack of a door. “I don’t mean to cause any harm. I just mean to threaten a few lives, lighten a few overlarge purses, and then continue on my way.”</p><p>“You—” </p><p>“Sir, I’m afraid you are the one extending the peril of these poor passengers here, rather than myself. Had you not made such a fuss, I would already be on my way. Put your gun away before you get somebody hurt,” Nureyev pressed on in a voice as cold as a gun barrel on a desert night. </p><p>“Someone’s getting hurt,” the Sheriff shot back. “And it ain’t gonna be me.”</p><p>Juno glanced around the train car and saw his own terror reflected in every face, though the hands of the oil barons and heirs clutched at purses and expensive looking timepieces, rather than their comrades or partners. The exact moment he and Nureyev needed to leap from the train drew ever nearer, and yet they were held back by an asshole with a gun, a badge, and a God complex. </p><p>He was running out of options, and worse, he was running out of time, so Juno decided on a tried and true method used by ladies in distress for hundreds of years and fainted directly onto the Sheriff.  </p><p>Juno couldn’t see much beyond his feigned unconsciousness, but it was safe to say it sounded like all hell broke loose. A gun fired somewhere nearby, but from the sound of it, only hit a window. It was followed shortly by a second crack that sounded suspiciously like the breaking of a certain Sheriff’s nose, while Nureyev murmured something incoherently laden with pet names and sweet nothings. At some point, a few people started screaming. </p><p>“Oh, do be quiet!” Nureyev called over the crowd. “The only man who’s attempted to shoot any of us is unconscious. I don’t see what the fuss is.”</p><p>Juno felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around him, one bunched around what felt like a half dozen skirts and the other resting under his back. He cracked an eye open and swept the bag of stolen goods beneath his skirt as he was lifted into the air, held in the same cheesy way Nureyev had insisted on holding him when they walked over the threshold of their home as a married couple for the first time. </p><p>“He’s kidnapping that lady!” Someone called. </p><p>“Well, do you see any medical attention on this train?” Nureyev snapped in return. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Juno hissed, but Peter seemed not to hear him. </p><p>“Farewell to you all. I do truly hope you are able to go on in your incredibly wealthy lives without your jewelry and inherited pocket change,” Nureyev sighed like it broke his heart to say those words. Juno felt him backing up, growing closer and closer to the door from which he planned to leap and land atop Ruby, if all went to plan. </p><p>Juno’s pocket watch ticked insistently against his leg, half the rate of his pulse. It thrummed away behind far too many layers of ruffled, wine-red fabric like a bird stuck in a cage. He tried to reach for and squeeze Nureyev’s hand, but found himself held in a vice grip. </p><p>He managed to pry his eyes open before Nureyev leapt from the train, and if his shitty acting as a fainted lady wasn’t unconvincing enough, Juno was pretty sure he shattered the illusion with the hoarse yelp that flew from his throat like that bird had been released. </p><p>“Holy shit, warn a lady first,” Juno gasped when he felt himself steadied atop a trusty as ever steed. </p><p>“Juno!” Nureyev cried. </p><p>“Did you—” </p><p>Juno, even panting, clinging to Nureyev like a lifeline, and inches away from passing out for real, managed a breathless laugh. </p><p>“Oh hush,” Peter cut him off. </p><p>“I didn’t say anything,” Juno snorted. </p><p>“You’ve got that look in your eye,” Nureyev returned, though his voice wavered with barely contained laughter. </p><p>Juno elbowed him in the rib to get enough room to swing a leg over Ruby’s other side and manage a semi-comfortable position atop a horse speeding through the desert. As much as he hated riding in gowns this nice, he’d prefer the spray of dust behind Ruby to be evenly distributed. </p><p>Nureyev kept him steady all the while with a hand on either side of his waist. When it seemed Juno was no longer in danger of falling off the horse, he replaced the guiding touch of his hands with his arms, wrapped around Juno for the sake of both of their stabilities. Juno suspected it served the secondary purpose of giving him an excuse to hold his wife close as they made their daring escape. </p><p>“Did you get the money?” Juno asked, as if he didn’t know where it was. </p><p>“I—” </p><p>Juno didn’t have to turn around to know the exact shade of red Nureyev was turning, muddled as it may be by the late afternoon sun gilding into a sweeter shade of orange. He’d spent enough time watching Peter fussing at their chickens or near murderous over the state of his attempted breakfast to know exactly the way his jaw would clench and the lines of his shoulders would seem to become spikier. Just the thought of such an expression was enough to make Juno want to turn around in the saddle and kiss him right then and there. </p><p>However, they were also being propelled across the desert on horseback, so Juno decided against it. </p><p>“Check up my skirt.”</p><p>“Juno, we are on a moving horse—” Nureyev began to protest, going silent when Juno fisted his hand in the fabric of his skirt and pulled it back to reveal the bag of assorted cash and jewelry stuffed away into the construction of the dress. </p><p>Juno couldn’t see Peter’s face, but he could almost hear the steam coming out of his ears. </p><p>“Darling, if you wanted me to compliment you for your resourcefulness, you could have just said you had the bag,” he huffed. </p><p>“You really thought I fainted, huh?” Juno teased.</p><p>“Oh, do be quiet.”</p><p>Juno threw his head back with a hearty laugh, but was stopped halfway through when Nureyev pressed a kiss to his cheek. </p><p>“Is the horse gonna be alright with both of us?” Juno asked, unable to help a grin when he felt Nureyev’s head come to rest upon his shoulder. </p><p>“For a short while. There’s a creek that runs through here somewhere, and I think it would do us all well to stop and rest there for the night,” Nureyev explained. “You’ll love it there. The view of the red rocks is half as lovely as you are, my dear, which is to say it’s like cool water to a parched throat.”</p><p>Juno rolled his eyes. </p><p>“You’re a sap.”</p><p>“You can’t complain about it, I’m afraid,” Nureyev smiled. “You did make the mistake of marrying me.”</p><p>“Best mistake of my life,” Juno snorted. “I think it might be the end of civilization as we know it if we let you loose on the world as a single man.”</p><p>“You’re the anchor to my ship, I suppose,” Nureyev mused. </p><p>“Can’t believe I married the kind of guy they write ballads about,” he chuckled. “They’ll say you broke a dozen hearts every time you stepped into a city and you could shoot the wick off of a candle blindfolded.”</p><p>“And that my wife was even stronger and meaner than I,” Peter joked. </p><p>“Nah, I want them to do something really stupid with me. I think I should be forty feet tall or something.”</p><p>“Darling, just because you’re ten inches shorter than me—”</p><p>“Nine,” Juno cut in.</p><p>“Apologies, darling,” Nureyev tried not to laugh. “There’s no need to overcompensate. Ruby here’s probably thankful you’re not any taller than that.”</p><p>Juno tried and failed to elbow him. </p><p>“Speaking of which, if that’s the patch of cacti I think it is, we should be right about here,” Nureyev said, then whistled for Ruby to stop. </p><p>When she did so, he pried himself off of Juno like every inch between them was another tragic, aching mile, rather than a gap he could close in about two steps. He offered Juno a hand down from Ruby’s back, but he leapt instead, having had enough of chivalry for one day. </p><p>Nureyev immediately reminded him why he didn’t always consider chivalry half bad by catching him in his arms and beaming down at him like Juno had hung every dazzling star in the blooming night sky above them. Juno couldn’t stand the fact that they weren’t kissing, so he reached the hand that bore his wedding ring up to Peter’s face and rectified that. </p><p>“What did I tell you about this spot, my love? It’s quite beautiful, especially with the sun setting like this,” Nureyev smiled when they finally broke away, though Juno noticed his gaze had yet to leave his face. </p><p>“I might be able to appreciate it if I came here with someone who looked half as nice as you,” Juno snorted. </p><p>“I didn’t think you were that much of a flirt, darling,” Nureyev chuckled, still carrying Juno like a newlywed bride as he walked over to the nearest dried, sun-bleached tree and took a seat at its base. </p><p>“I’m not. I’ve been trying to figure out when to say that line for a week,” Juno admitted. </p><p>“I love you,” Peter blurted out. His voice was as much breathless adoration as it was a surprised laugh. Juno kissed him quiet either way. </p><p>“I love you too,” Juno smiled when there was nothing left to do but break away. “Why don’t I get a campfire started? It’s gonna get cold tonight, and you’re not drowning in half as much lace as I am.”</p><p>“I think you look lovely, my dear,” Nureyev grinned. </p><p>“It’s all fun and games until you have to ride a horse in something like this,” Juno returned with a roll of his eyes. </p><p>He made quick work of the fire, less because he was looking forward to the light and heat and more because he was hoping to return to the base of the tree at Nureyev’s side as soon as possible. It wasn’t a particularly large flame. It didn’t have to be. They had already eaten and if the night grew too cold, there would always be his stupid tall husband to act as a blanket. </p><p>When Juno returned to the base of the tree, Nureyev first offered him a canteen, and when that was turned away, his open arms. Juno took him up on the second offer, unable to help a smitten grin when Peter wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. </p><p>The two sat like that and watched the burnt orange sky melt into gentle, purple night. Juno might have been on edge in any other company, but something about Nureyev’s low, soft voice and the embrace made him feel like even if the world was against them, the world would have its work cut out for it. </p><p>Juno vaguely remembered being lulled to sleep by the sound of Nureyev’s voice as he weaved campfire stories from thin air and pointed out his favorite shapes in the endless smattering of stars above. He remembered the feeling of lips on his forehead when his eyelids grew too heavy to hold open, and vaguely, if he stretched his memory, he could recall those stories turning to sweet nothings as he fell asleep. </p><p>With a fire crackling merrily nearby and Peter Nureyev’s hand squeezing his, Juno slept safely through the dark of night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i love these funky little cowboys so much i hope they have wonderful lives and im so glad i as the author have finished my plans for tormenting them</p><p>Thank you all so much for reading! Make sure to SMASH that kudos button and leave a comment below or I'll follow you at an over six foot distance, playing harmonica all the while (beneath a mask. wear your fuckin masks)</p><p>find me on tumblr @hopeless-eccentric or on twitter @withane22 !!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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